Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
