Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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