Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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