the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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