My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
