So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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