I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
