Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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