Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
