My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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