Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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