He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
handjob tips. give me some.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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