saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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