Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
