Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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