Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
