Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
