It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
