He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
