you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
