Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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