Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
