so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
