You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
