Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
