people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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