I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
