I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
