Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
