My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
