am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
