How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
