Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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