I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
