Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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