Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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