ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
