I feel like I'm in dance class right now
...so i touched it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
