so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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