My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
