Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
