when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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