Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
