I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
