Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
