WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
