just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
