he puts the penis in happiness.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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