He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
