What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
