i just had sex bonerless
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
