i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
