the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
