my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just high enough for therapy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
