he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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