New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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